I would never imagine that I would go through some of the worse moments in my life the past two years. Never. Not me. I am a Pastor’s kid born and raised in church, under a pew, church is where I spent all of my days. From vacation bible school to youth camps. Youth leader to speaking. I mean not one time did I think I would be in the mess I was in 2 years ago. I will spare you the details of that horrendous year but in short it was an event that I vowed would not happen to me. A statistic I would not be a part of. In March 2015, when my then marriage started having problems and we never recovered. It was not until December of 2015, that I accepted my reality. The reality of my Divorce. You want to talk about my world shattering before my eyes and my dreams of growing old with someone, and seeing future children grow up was GONE. WIPED AWAY. Burned to the ground.
Life is about choices. Choices are around us every day and it’s up to us how they will affect us. I felt like why me? Why us? Why am I not worth fighting for? Why am I not worth it? Oh, but I soon discovered that I was soooo worth it. I am worth it ALL. I decided that I would not look like what I was going through. I decided this was not going to be my death sentence. But remember what I said about choices right? You can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. Instead, I spoke into my life daily even if I didn’t believe it. I cried and cried and cried some more until my tears turned into strength. I remember telling myself “Vasti you will RISE and be the BEST you have ever been” and I can honestly say here I am in 2017. Alive and doing well. Living my best, healed life! Not allowing the stigma of divorce fall upon me. Divorce is not who I am, it is something that I went through.
Isaiah 61:3 “To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair”…
I remember reading this scripture and like others thinking wow, how beautiful. BUT. LET. ME. TELL. YOU. (I hope you read that with the pauses…lol) it’s nothing like living a scripture. When I looked up the word “Ashes” this is what the definition says “the remains of something destroyed; ruins.” That is exactly what my life felt like something was destroyed and ruined and I did not see any beauty coming out of it. I lost a lot in that process. BUT GOD. Yes, he is so amazing, loving and gentle to us in every season of pain and hurt. He reminded me along with an amazing support group that I was worth it. I was going to see the beauty in my ashes.The enemy loves to remind you of the ashes and never the BEAUTY! Well, today I remind him daily of the beauty. I am healed. I am loved by my heavenly father who has infinite love for me. Today I believe I AM WORTH IT.
To you reading this I say focus on the beauty this year and know that if you are in the ashes something beautiful will come out of it. You are beautiful, you are strong and most of all YOU are worth it!
Worthy of it all,